Saturday, November 07, 2009

Dan Dare - Pilot Of The Future: Today, I thought I'd give the Motorblog a rest; a weekend off.
So, I'm sitting here giving the early pages of Mick Farren's autobiography 'Give The Anarchist A Cigarette' their second reading, and along with the memoir of the legendary 'You're never alone with a Strand' TV advert for cigarettes, (yes, they used to advertise cigarettes on TV, youngsters), he also mentioned Dan Dare; who was the front page spaceman star of the legendary Eagle comic, and in doing so, it reminded me of a joke.
Dan Dare, pilot of the future, crashed his spaceship on an unknown planet, millions of light-years away from planet Earth.
'How will we ever be able to fly back home, Dan?' his co-pilot, Digby, asks with fear in his voice, thinking they will be standed there forever.
Watching a small cloud of dust on the near horizon gradually materialise into three strange looking creatures riding on a floating disc-like object, Dan replied: 'Perhaps these aliens will be able to help?'
The alien vehicle stopped in front of Dan and Digby, and one alien asked: 'Who are you?'
Dan looked the alien in the eye. 'I am Dan Dare, pilot of the future, the most famous spaceman of all time, and everyone knows my name!'
The three aliens shrugged their shoulders. 'Never heard of you; so we're going to kill you both.'
All three aliens took out something which resembled pistol's of sorts, and aimed them at Dan and Digby.
'Wait,' said Dan, 'I am Dan Dare, pilot of the future, everyone in the universe knows who I am, and I can proove it.'
'I think you're skating on thin ice, Dan,' Digby whispered.
'OK, how can you proove it?' asked the lead alien.
'Take us back to planet Earth, and wherever we land, the first person we meet will know me; if not, then you can kill us.'
'That's a deal,' agreed the alien.
So the three aliens took Dan and Digby to the spaceport, boarded an intergalactic craft, and sped back to planet Earth at warp-speed. The craft landed right in the middle of an African rainforest; and when they stepped out of the craft, Digby said, 'Yes, Dan, very thin ice.'
The three aliens looked at Dan. 'So, where are these people who know who you are?'
'We're in deep s***' Digby said, nodding his head.
Then, a group of dark-skinned warriors dressed in loin cloths and carrying spears emerged from within the dense curtain of undergrowth in the trees.
'Oh, dear,' said Digby, 'I think we're definitely going to die, Dan; these people will never know who you are.'
The dark-skinned warriors stopped, and one of them said, 'Well, hello dare.'
Dan turned to the aliens and said, 'You see, I told you so!'

Batty Book Titles -
A Long Way Down by Eileen Dover.
Falling Down by Lucy Lastic.
40 Years In The Saddle by Major Bumsore.
A Mess On The Sheets by Mr. Completely.
Sore Cheeks by Tanya Hyde.
Tiger In Bed by Claude Balls.
Breast Feeding by Nora Titt.
School Uniform by Willie Wareham - (from Chris Sage).
The English Woodland by Theresa Green - (from James Merry).

If you know any more, please email or put them on the message board.