Saturday, October 03, 2009

A Fine Romance: Those close to me will know by now that when romance was dished out, I was right at the back of the queue. Mrs. B, of course, would be the first to agree, especially when Valentine's Day arrives.
For me, Valentine's Day stopped the minute I said "I do" at the Alter in Lytchett Minster Parish Church in December 1973. After all, if a Valentine's Day card did happen to drop through the letter box after that date, it would stir up an almighty rumpus with unimagineable consequences.
So far, none have.
Thank goodness.
But women seem to expect us chaps to buy them a card and a red rose on Valentine's Day, and even though they know we have sent it / given it to them, I suppose it "makes them feel wanted." Yes, I've been in the shops and looked at the cards and the roses which go for about £2-50 each, and for a fiver, I suppose I ought to do it just to keep Mrs. B happy.
But "it's the thought that counts," she tells me, and not that I'm tight, but a fiver is a fiver, and I'd rather she bought 'whatever' for that five quid rather than spend it on a card and a rose, which will end up in the waste bin, anyway.
"The most unromantic man in the world," she has called me, more than once. But 2 or 3 years ago now, the cards and roses hit everyone for six as they walked into our local village Co-Op; such was the fine and massive array. 'Mmm. Perhaps I should?' I thought, 'It would save a lot of hassle."
But I didn't.
Instead, I bought the stamps I needed, and The Daily Echo, and started walking home. But in the Community Centre / Church car park, I noticed a couple of scratched-off scratch cards thrown on the ground, and an idea was born.
So I went back to the shop and bought Mrs. B £5 worth of £1,000 top prize scratch cards, thinking 'the lower the top prize, the more chance there is to win.'
Arriving home, I presented them to her. "Happy Valentine's Day, dear," and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Now, Mrs. B likes winning things, and after getting over the shock of such a gift for Valentine's Day, (after all, it was unusual), she quickly scratched them off to find...she had won £12!
I can tell you, the effect was oh so much better than any a measly old Valentine's Day card with a smarmy Barbara Cartland style verse inside could ever produce. And Mrs B smiled one of the best smiles she has ever smiled, and it felt so good.
I haven't repeated this since, neither have I bought her a card and a rose. Instead, Mr. Unromantic just gives her a kiss on the cheek and says, "Listen to the words of The Beach Boys 'God Only Knows' song; because that will say everything that needs to be said.