Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Ozone Hostile Gas: is said to eminate from cow's backsides, and as such is the major cause; far above and beyond that created by exhaust emissions; of global warming.
But now there's a new product on the market which ex-soap star, Martine McCutcheon, advertises on TV with a sickly-sweet smile and glint in here eye; because she knows the truth. And this product, sold under the guise of a yoghourt-style foodstuff flavoured with added fruits which reputedly keeps one's system in check and combats cholesterol, not only depletes the ozone with the gasses it creates in the human bowel, but also chokes fellow human beings with the vile smell noisily and gleefully emitted by the person who ate it.
The smell is insuffereable, and the worst of this range of products is sold in a tiny plastic container that looks like a goldfish bowl; with the usual potted version running a close second. After eating, the resulting smell emitted from the user's sphincter could drop a galloping horse at 20 yards, and brings tears to the eyes of the unaware witness akin to peeling onions.
And the ghastly stuff takes several hours to move through the 25 feet of stomach and bowel inside the human body, all the time creating this vile sewage-like stench, which under the heat and confines of a duvet can cause the loss of bodily hair, toe and fingernails to turn green, and chronic asthma.
In fairness to anyone who does not eat Activia, this product should be taken off the market, or a suitable warning added to the label which should read: WARNING - PERSONS EATING THIS PRODUCT COULD WELL BECOME THE VICTIMS OF DIVORCE OR MURDER!