Saturday, October 10, 2009

A God Amongst Mere Mortals: We've all had those irritating phone calls, haven't we?
"Hello. Our team is working in your area at the moment, and we would like to fit a brand new kitchen for you, and it'll cost you absolutely nothing."
"Yeah, right. Nothing in life is free!"
"Oh, but this is. All you have to do is let us take 'before' and 'after' photos for our catalogue..."
"Yeah, right (again), but you haven't even seen my kitchen!"
How do they know I haven't just finished fitting a brand new, state-of-the-art kitchen, yesterday, and they're insulting me by suggesting I need a new one?
Or, that it's an absolute tip and they don't know what they're letting themselves in for?
And the other absolute diamond is double glazing.
"No! Absolutely not! I've got all the double glazing I need, thank you."
"Yes." (A fib to get rid of this idiot).
"Front and back doors?"
"Just had them replaced, thanks." (True)
"Yes." (Another fib, but they're OK).
"But have they got the black fitting strips keeping the glass in?"
"Yes." (Also true).
"Ah, but they're out of date now, and they're not burglar proof!"
"Oh, go away!"
All of these people, no matter how they try and disguise it, are after our money, because if I've had the calls that means you've already had them, or will do soon.
And we're ex-directory!
But rarely, if ever, do we get a genuine phone call saving us money.
Until now.
It didn't happen when they were called Cable & Wireless, or Nynex, or any of the other names it had as it was bought out time after dreary time; until it was bought by Virgin.
And didn't we know that if there was going to be anyone who would ring us up with an honest offer to save us money, it would be Richard Branson.
Well, Richard Branson didn't ring me up personally; it was a Scotsman, and to begin with I though, "Oh, no, here we go again!"
But he was honest, and he was genuine.
This wee Scot's fella gave, yes gave me faster broadband for the same as I'm paying now. And he sent me a new modem and power pack within 2 working days.
Also, he offered a package for our local calls of £7-95 a month all-in, saving in the region of £8 to £10 a month. It also included this 59 minute thing, where we can talk for 59 minutes, put the phone down, re-dial, and talk again for another 59 minutes, and so on. That option is of absolutely no use to us chaps whatsoever, but for our female partner's ringing the mother-in-law, the daughter or daughter-in-law; then it's absolutely marvellous, because I no longer have to stand there tutting and making signals to get her to put the phone down whilst dreading the awful bill she's running up!
So, thank you, Richard Branson, you are a god amongst us mere mortals. Roll on the day you take over the Lottery, then we might actually win something.
All this and more from a fellow hippie from my generation, who opened a record shop in the mid-60's and created an incredible, world-wide empire from those humble beginnings. Amazing!